Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
