Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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