I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
