They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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