I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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