my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
