I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize