I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize