I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
