did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
