i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
