You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize