I could have mohawked her pubes.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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