Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
