I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
