got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
