She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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