he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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