I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize