I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
