we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
