i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
