A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
