My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
