You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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