Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
did you just send me my own nude
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
