It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
