I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
