Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
