Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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