we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
