My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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