omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize