Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
