Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
