I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
