Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
