sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
