soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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