i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
