You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
