no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
