I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
