and you said cock pushups were impossible
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
zippers are such a cool invention
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
