Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
