So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
