Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
