I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think I died a long time ago.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Randomize
