Pappa wants mamma naked
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
