I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
