even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
