I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
