think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
