What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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