I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
