I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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