the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
