Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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