I have demons in me.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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