yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
