he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize