hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
