it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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