why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
